Technology
is great! It makes communication nearly instant. Look how far we’ve come: from
the dark ages of having to travel and verbally relay news, to having a way to
write things down and have them delivered by horseback for a small fee, to
having “snail mail” which is a veritable bullet compared to what stage-coach
post was, to having e-mail where you can type a letter and it is received
almost instantly. Now we have evolved to even higher forms of communication:
Facebook, Twitter… the list goes on… all of which allow us to have all the
wonders of knowing what people are doing instantly… without the necessity of
really caring or genuinely taking time to be involved in their lives...
Now brace yourself for the irony: I’m
posing this on a form of social media! Tada! Good for me! I’m another one of
those people who is going to commentate on how misused social media is
destroying community… and no one is going to care! But, for the people who do
read this and don’t dismiss me immediately, here are a couple thoughts worth
thinking:
1: Does social media really connect people and make them
happy?
You’re
probably aware of the studies coming out that have concluded that social media
(Facebook is the particular case in point… and I will narrow my examples to FB
cause that’s the social media I use) has the general effect of depressing people.
Why? Well, according to an article in the Economist magazine, “using Facebook
is associated with jealousy, social tension, isolation and depression.” Being
able to see what all our “friends” are doing, all the time, can often wreck
mental havoc, especially if you’re going through a real-life rough spot with
someone. There is no escape or ability
to get distance from the situation to get perspective if we constantly see post
(and particularly pictures) that wind our minds even more tightly around the
problems in the relationship. Even apart from drama, we see the cutesy pictures
of BFFs, the picturesque family vacations, stories of great concerts… The general outcome of being flooded with all
this, really, personal information, is discontent, jealousy, and because we
generally engage in social media on our own, it can lead to feeling isolated,
abandoned, and depressed.
2: Why is it SO hard to disconnect?
Well… we’re
afraid of missing out. I know I’ve had a hard time separating myself form
social media because I really do want to know how people are who don’t live
near by… but I don’t trust them to keep up with me… So, instead of building
trust, I social media stalk them… makes loads of sense, I know. There is a
doubly negative thing happening here. a) We feel like we’ll miss out if we
don’t keep a close eye on what everyone is up to on FB. And b) we feel like we
miss out because we’re not doing things with the people we stalk on FB... There’s
this constant tension of, “I don’t want to get rid of FB cause I won’t see the
pictures or hear what people are up to! … But if I stay on Facebook I will see pictures and hear what people
are up to… and I know that often makes me feel inadequate, discontent and
lonely.”
3: So what happens now?
(Well, for one thing I’ll have that song from Evita stuck in
my head)
For many
this may mean checking Facebook less often and engaging with the people who are
actually around them. The same study
cited in the Economist showed that, “the more [the] volunteers socialized in
the real world, the more positive they reported feeling…” There is just
something about actually interacting with people. In a world of “quick and easy” Facebook and other social
media has a way of de-personalizing friendships. The time and effort necessary
to maintain any solid relationship is often sacrificed for convenience. “So what about my friends that live across
the state, country, world? Social media is the only way I can keep up with
them!” Well, this particular study
showed that there was reported satisfaction even just talking on the phone! “But
some people don’t like talking on the phone…” Tough luck, it’s a useful skill
and something that can be worked on. (I use to hate talking on the phone, but
I’ve had to do it to keep up with certain people I know… and it has gotten
easier) You can hear the person’s voice and that is a wonderful and incredibly
helpful thing. But hey! If the phone doesn’t work out very often there is
e-mail and texting. Both of those methods of communication show some
thoughtfulness and are a good way of actually finding out what’s going on with
someone. Social media typically paints a picture of people’s lives the way they
want everyone to see them as, not as they actually are. If you really want to
know how someone is actually doing, Facebook stalking is not going to work… For
me this all means that I’m pretty much going to cut Facebook from my life.
Seems a bit extreme huh? By this point you can probably tell that I am fed up
with the fakeness I’ve come to associate with FB, and I’ve come to the point
where I can finally pull away from it. I have personally found that the times
when I’ve been most content, engaged with people, and productive have been the
times where social media was absent in my life… and I figure, that it is pretty
universally accepted that the things in life worth having… money, reputation,
power, skill, property, happiness… are worth working for… so why not
relationships and communication?
Study source:
The Economist: http://www.economist.com/news/science-and-technology/21583593-using-social-network-seems-make-people-more-miserable-get-life
