Extroverted Introverts... Wait, What?

 Being an introvert in an extrovert's world can be quite intimidating at times... And there have been moments where I've been obligated to go to social functions when, quite honestly, I've just wanted to put on my pajamas and hide under the covers. But, (sometimes unfortunately so) that's just not a really realistic option... Or necessarily a good response... Uh oh, here we go again with the "introverts need to change and pretend to be extroverts" speech! Um... not exactly. What I would like to say comes in the form of a couple Q & A bullet points...

• What's the main difference between Introverts and Extroverts?

             Well, the general misconception is that Introverts are shy, socially a bit awkward, and not at all people... people. And then there are the Extroverts. They're typically seen as loud, outgoing, "take charge-ers", with not a shy bone in their body. Both of those (no duh) are stereotypes, and pretty widely accepted ones at that. My very insightful brother summarized it nicely like this: The main difference is where people get their energy. Extroverts (said brother is one) get they're energy from large groups of people (or people in general) and Introverts (yours truly is one) get their energy from thinking and "alone time" or from very small groups of people. It's not that introverts can't put themselves out there and be genuinely interested in people, but it tires them out. Whereas Extroverts leave a people session totally enthused and energized... gosh, it's making me a little tired just thinking bout that. =D Anyhow, something Introverts have to be careful of is spending too much time inside of themselves. (Speaking for we Introverts here) We tend to spend so much time thinking and thinking about our lives and goals that we forget to look beyond ourselves... which is really a form of selfishness. We often expect other people to put themselves out to make us feel comfortable instead of putting some work in and making ourselves (and maybe more importantly, making others feel comfortable). 

• So, how can Introverts avoid their tendency to selfishness and to shut themselves off from other people?

                One way is to use that wonderful ability to be able to think (and often to think pretty clearly) and to use the ability that a lot of Introverts tend to pick up, the ability to read others fairly well, and use it outside of ourselves. How? As people who are often on the fringe (sometimes by our own design) it can be really helpful to include other people who are on the fringe. For me, that is very important. I've been very painfully on quite a few fringes... it's not a very pleasant place to be... So, if it's in my power I tend to "adopt" fringe-dwellers so that they don't have to go through some of the discomfort of not really having anybody as a friend (cause having good friends is important). So, what's the real "HOW" here? As Introverts we've got to make it a habit to look outside of ourselves for ways to use our introverted abilities for the benefit of other people. 

• Um... how on earth does the title tie into all this? 

                Well... some people who have known me throughout my little life have been quite surprised that I'm not an extrovert. So, in some ways I consider myself an "extroverted introvert" or more accurately "an introvert that tries to think outside the box of personal comfort zones" (a bit longer to say, huh?) I want to make sure that I'm clear in saying that I don't want Introverts to "act", to pretend they are energized by people and love a crowd. I am saying that we could to more good than we think we could, just by extending a little effort and inclusion. Introverts who think outside the box have potential to be a huge bridge between extreme Extroversion and extreme Introversion. 

(A helpful tool for getting some ideas of the general  strengths and weaknesses of your personality is the Humanmetrics personality test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Once you know your four letter personality type (eg. I'm an INFJ), you can look up your personality bio and get some general info... it's not a hard and fast result, but it is a pretty good tool for seeing strengths you might not see and for finding weaknesses to work on.)