Extroverted Introverts... Wait, What?

 Being an introvert in an extrovert's world can be quite intimidating at times... And there have been moments where I've been obligated to go to social functions when, quite honestly, I've just wanted to put on my pajamas and hide under the covers. But, (sometimes unfortunately so) that's just not a really realistic option... Or necessarily a good response... Uh oh, here we go again with the "introverts need to change and pretend to be extroverts" speech! Um... not exactly. What I would like to say comes in the form of a couple Q & A bullet points...

• What's the main difference between Introverts and Extroverts?

             Well, the general misconception is that Introverts are shy, socially a bit awkward, and not at all people... people. And then there are the Extroverts. They're typically seen as loud, outgoing, "take charge-ers", with not a shy bone in their body. Both of those (no duh) are stereotypes, and pretty widely accepted ones at that. My very insightful brother summarized it nicely like this: The main difference is where people get their energy. Extroverts (said brother is one) get they're energy from large groups of people (or people in general) and Introverts (yours truly is one) get their energy from thinking and "alone time" or from very small groups of people. It's not that introverts can't put themselves out there and be genuinely interested in people, but it tires them out. Whereas Extroverts leave a people session totally enthused and energized... gosh, it's making me a little tired just thinking bout that. =D Anyhow, something Introverts have to be careful of is spending too much time inside of themselves. (Speaking for we Introverts here) We tend to spend so much time thinking and thinking about our lives and goals that we forget to look beyond ourselves... which is really a form of selfishness. We often expect other people to put themselves out to make us feel comfortable instead of putting some work in and making ourselves (and maybe more importantly, making others feel comfortable). 

• So, how can Introverts avoid their tendency to selfishness and to shut themselves off from other people?

                One way is to use that wonderful ability to be able to think (and often to think pretty clearly) and to use the ability that a lot of Introverts tend to pick up, the ability to read others fairly well, and use it outside of ourselves. How? As people who are often on the fringe (sometimes by our own design) it can be really helpful to include other people who are on the fringe. For me, that is very important. I've been very painfully on quite a few fringes... it's not a very pleasant place to be... So, if it's in my power I tend to "adopt" fringe-dwellers so that they don't have to go through some of the discomfort of not really having anybody as a friend (cause having good friends is important). So, what's the real "HOW" here? As Introverts we've got to make it a habit to look outside of ourselves for ways to use our introverted abilities for the benefit of other people. 

• Um... how on earth does the title tie into all this? 

                Well... some people who have known me throughout my little life have been quite surprised that I'm not an extrovert. So, in some ways I consider myself an "extroverted introvert" or more accurately "an introvert that tries to think outside the box of personal comfort zones" (a bit longer to say, huh?) I want to make sure that I'm clear in saying that I don't want Introverts to "act", to pretend they are energized by people and love a crowd. I am saying that we could to more good than we think we could, just by extending a little effort and inclusion. Introverts who think outside the box have potential to be a huge bridge between extreme Extroversion and extreme Introversion. 

(A helpful tool for getting some ideas of the general  strengths and weaknesses of your personality is the Humanmetrics personality test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp
Once you know your four letter personality type (eg. I'm an INFJ), you can look up your personality bio and get some general info... it's not a hard and fast result, but it is a pretty good tool for seeing strengths you might not see and for finding weaknesses to work on.)

The Art & Pleasures of Taking Tea

OK, I stole that title off of the front of a tea book I have...

It's a great little book too. If you ever need a recipe for a tea party... they have a great one for cucumber sandwiches, in fact, I believe I have the dust jacket cover marking the page. In any case, I love tea, and really all that goes with it. Tea cups, china, tea pots, the wonderful "posh-ness" that comes with putting on a tea party... I think everyone needs to have an opportunity to have the feeling of grandeur and importance that getting dressed up and drinking tea entails. :) ... Yeah, and I love little whimsical little things like this too...

These are some of my mom's favorite little things... and following her lead, I've started my own little collection if tea items. When my family and I went on a trip to D.C. and went to Mount Vernon I got a tea cup in Martha Washington's pattern... and got a tea pot in the same pattern the following Christmas.

(The cup on the left)

So, I'm still working on my collection. :) I've got some assorted tea cups some that my parents have given me, some that my friends have given me. They all seem to have a story in someway or another.

So! That's the "paraphernalia of tea"... what about the tea itself? Well, we go through a ton of tea in our house. I generally drink at least a pot of tea... during the summer... and a LOT more in the winter (because I'm always cold). We generally order tea in bulk... and have 3 stashes of it... two in the kitchen and one in a hall closet.

Main stash 

Back up stash

  Back up, back up stash =D

My favorite tea for the morning is called PG Tips. It's a rather strong black tea... that requires sugar and half and half. I also like Strawberry, Raspberry, and Constant Comment... I also like Earl Grey and Irish Breakfast... gosh... I like a bunch more too, but I'll leave it at that for now. I like pretty much all Green Tea. There is a trick to making it though. Depending on the type of green (or white) tea, you don't want to have boiling water. If you have a "fancy" electric tea kettle like this one: 

We use the "white tea" setting for green and white tea (because the green tea setting wasn't quite hot enough) and then steep the tea bags for 2 minutes. If you have a regular tea kettle: 

                                            

Bring the water to a boil then let it sit (off the heat) for 2 minutes and then steep the green (or white tea) for 2 minutes (or for as long as the green tea bag says to steep it, which is usually anywhere from 30 seconds- 2 minutes). 

For black tea, boil the water and let the tea steep for anywhere from 4-5 minutes.  (yeah, I do black tea more often, cause it's a bit less complicated... and I'm a little lazy. :) 

Well, I hope the next time you need to relax or add a bit of "posh-ness" in your day, you make a cup of tea and snuggle up with it's wonderfully, comforting warmth and yummy-ness. :)

Friends?

Something that I've had on my mind for a good long while is: friendship (and how incredibly important strong friendships are). More specifically, how to think and act when our friends disappoint or hurt us. In short: What the heck are we suppose to do with unexpected (or even expected) conflict with our friends?!

I guess the beginning of that thought comes down to what I mean when I say, "friend." Am I talking about Facebook "friends" (most of which are actually acquaintances)... No, not really. I'm talking about those people who know you really pretty well. (eg. For me this would be my family and a few very close friends)

OK... So if these people are so close to you, you shouldn't have major conflicts with them... Right?... Wrong. At some point or another everybody will let you down. Hard... (Pretty dark for an "optimistic" blog huh?) Not really... that's life. If we expect to get along with the people close to us all the time and agree on everything, we're setting ourselves up for MAJOR disappointment. That's not to say that we shouldn't try to get along with our friends (and everyone else), but it does mean that, in order to deal with painful conflict, we can't be surprised that it happens, even with the closest of friends. So, what's the point? (drumroll for the conventional 3-point rundown)

1. Expect conflict

Again, at some point in time we all have "falling outs" with our friends. But, that's OK (here comes the "if") IF we recognize where we were in the wrong and try to act out of kindness and understanding to heal the relationship. (Especially if the other person is not being kind or understanding... because if both parties are being stupid-nasty-unkind the relationship will. not. last. And that would really stink on a number of levels...)

2. Differences of opinion and preference are not conflict

We should be friends with people who don't think in the exact same way we do. It's important to have friends that challenge us to get out of our little comfort zones. It seems that we view friendship as just a way to "have fun" and not as a way to grow and learn. We have so much to learn from our friends, even, or especially, when we don't like what they have to say. We should always consider the possibility that we may not be thinking right... and that the differences of opinion that our friends have might be logical and better than the position we're holding. As for difference in preference, other people have great taste that we might not get at first but that can be wonderful if we give it a chance. (Silly example: I use to hate shopping with a passion, but had several friends that liked it and got me use to it and made it fun for me... so now I enjoy it... especially shopping for other people. :)

3. It's OK to change (And let our friends change) 

There's that cliche expression, "You're just not the same person you where when I met you." That aversion to change may very well be a larger component to strained friendships than we give it credit for... and ties in with "point 2". We don't generally go into friendships with a mindset to learn from our friends. So we don't expect change and we don't make room for it. Change is, in fact, an important part of life and learning to better ourselves. If we don't change (and look to change for the better) we stagnate... and our friendships stagnate.

4. Stick with your friends No. Matter. What. (OK, I lied, there are 4 points) 

Don't just drop them. They'll probably re-realize eventually that they actually do like you and like to have you around. It often just takes time... some times an awful lot longer than you wish it did... but it's worth it. Keep up some form of communication. Be more loyal and more kind than you think (or feel) is necessary. That's especially important when we're angry with our friends... from personal experience I know that it's never a good idea to speak (or text, facebook, or email, or write letters) when you're angry. It's always better to wait a bit and say what we know is kind rather than what we're feeling at the moment. Make sure that your friends know that you're committed to sticking with them (whether they like it or not :). Cause that's not the norm. The norm is to be hurt and unwilling to take that hurt and stomach it in order to preserve the friendship.

Admittedly, this all works when both we and our friends are meeting in the middle... but that doesn't always happen... and not every friendship can be salvaged. However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't try, and that we can't be better friends.

So, there are my thoughts... I'd love any feed back you'd like to share. :) Thanks a bunch!
Smiles and hugs!

Sunshine, Daisies, Butter Mellow...

(You Harry Potter fans should get that title reference) Anyway, among the multitude of things I like to do... I love being outside and photographing the pretty things I come across. Right now the summer flowers are in full bloom.

There was a Phenix Moth on our butterfly bush!!!

Smiles and little yellow flowers and wagon wheels!

Everything Has a Beginning...

Some times all you need is a little splash of color to brighten your day. So, hopefully, this will provide a little color, a little smile to get you through. :)

For a while now I've been leaving little "Rainbow Post-its" around... just in random places... mostly around a college campus, on the off chance that it might bring a smile to someone. This kind of thing sounds really hokey to a lot of people and I've had some people deface some of my post-its, but the post-its have made a difference to some people. In any case, my thinking is that, I've been an outsider enough to know that it's a hard place to be and to wish that someone would extend kindness to me... so this is just a small extension of kindness so that maybe someone will be a bit better off and have a little encouragement... and not have to go through hard things by themselves, as I have. 

So, that's the goal of having this place: to bring a smile and to share some encouraging and challenging things... in the end, to spread some kindness and share thoughts.

All the Best!!!